FatCon2010.com

I got out of bed this morning feeling somewhat rested. I haven’t been sleeping well as of late and I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out why. So, I’ve come to a conclusion of sorts. It’s the same fucking conclusion I come to every once in a while. The same lame ass epiphany, one simple foundation shaking truth about my life. I’m fat! This leads to many other facts… let’s list them shall we…

I’m Fat, so:

• I’m miserable
• my clothes don’t fit
• I’m uncomfortable in my own skin
• I can’t see my dick past my stomach anymore (this is extremely depressing since it’s small to begin with)
• I have trouble breathing
• walking makes my back hurt
• I have a hard time wiping my own ass (this is equally depressing)
• I’m very unattractive
• my stomach jiggles when I walk
• I couldn’t run to save my life
• my chins are multiplying like fucking rabbits
• I have more rolls than a fucking bakery
• I’m the only one that can do something about it

So, all these little bullet points I’ve mentioned above really start putting a damper on my mood. I can’t eat what I want, when I want anymore. That really pisses me off! I love greasy, no good for you, shitty, salty foods and I love beer! Fuck me! All the stuff I love will kill me if I keep eating and drinking like a king during the medieval times.

Pass me a turkey and a keg of beer! What the fuck!

Seriously, I used to be a good looking dude, way back when. You know, one of the pretty young people I see strutting their shit the way I used to. I watch them and think to myself two things, one, “I wish I could go back in time and take full advantage of that body I used to have, with the knowledge I have now and the energy I had then, I would be extremely dangerous!”, and two, “I should fucking kill you where you stand for even looking young, thin and full of energy!” Son-of-a-bitch!

Sex is a work out now. Huffing and puffing after sex used to be a sign of a real good fucking romp in the hay, a top notch performance… trapeze type shit. Now, it means I can’t breath and I’m gonna be sore for a fucking week for three whole lousy minutes of fat guy sex! My wife must be thrilled! Sorry honey. If you need a young buck to please you and take his time doing it, I understand!

I’m beginning to get that fucking fat guy gait to my walk. You know how it looks… I have to lean back a bit to help my lower back support the heavy load in front. It’s like I’ve put one too many shingles on my manhood shelter. Too much padding on the six pack protector! What the fuck, there’s no six pack there… it’s a fucking keg with all the implements including the CO2 bottle, tap and cooler! Good God I’m fucking huge! Fuck you Fuccillo, I’m fucking HUGE!

I’m seriously unattractive. I’m happily married and all that… I love my wife, there is no question and I wouldn’t step outside of that commitment ever… having said that, it’s still nice to be looked at that way… you know what I’m talking about, walking around feeling the eyes undressing you as you go… you know, almost hearing them moan and groan whispering to themselves “I’d love to have a go at that!” Remember those days? I do and I miss them. Having that kind of self confidence is greater than gold! I don’t have that anymore. It’s part of what makes me unattractive… that’s right asshole, it’s not just the fat that can drag you down, it’s how you feel about carrying it too.

Oh well, that’s enough bitching for now. I don’t want to get into my rants about how morons drive, how fucking inconsiderate people have become or how I want to hear a certain type of music on Pandora and it plays something completely different! Fuck me!

Cheers!

[9:24am] Yesterday (June 15th) was a “throw away” day. It started off excellent as I woke up, got dressed and headed out the door for a walk. The walk was invigorating and well worth the 30 minutes! I enjoyed my black coffee and went about my morning routine. Work was… the usual.

My drive was uneventful and I arrived home to the sweet smell of garlic in the kitchen and my lovely girls in the living room. Garlic Pasta Broccoli was the dish. My wife did a bag up job on it. I sent her directions in email for preparing it and she pretty much nailed it. It was delightful. After dinner, I ran some errands and came home hungry.

This is where “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” started. I was bugging out and wanted something to eat in the worst way. Lately, I’ve been a little depressed over some other things going on in my life and I’m the type who turns to food and drink for comfort.

Last night I allowed my gluttonous urges to overcome my rational thought processes and I ordered pizza and chicken wings. I felt great at the time. I enjoyed a few beers and indulged myself.

By the way, the food was from Franco’s on Eggert Rd. and it was real good. We (my wife and I), enjoyed a small (thin crust) cheese and pepperoni pizza and split ten crispy, medium sauced chicken wings.

Today, I feel ashamed. I want to engross myself in food to make myself feel better. It’s a vicious cycle!

I think after this weekend, as many things culminate to a head, next week will hopefully be wrought with a newness of self. I’m going to just let go for the rest of this week and focus on the tasks at hand that require my fullest attention. I know this all sounds like I’m trying to justify my actions but, I know me and I know that if I don’t cut myself a little slack, I’ll spin further away from my goals.

I’ll be fine… it is what it is. It will be what it’ll be!

Cheers!

[1:22pm] Lunch was good! I tried a new bread this time and it was good. I’ll get the name another time and post it. Retained my bowl of celery, banana peppers and broccoli for my afternoon snack.

[10:34am] I really want an elliptical machine. I also, right at this moment, feel like I’m going to vomit. Maybe I should wait on the yogurt.

[9:14am] As you know, I do not update over the weekends and I did enjoy the foods I wanted to but, I refrained from really over-doing it. I haven’t been exercising like I’m supposed to and it kind of depresses me that I’m becoming complacent and lazy with the routine. Enjoying my Kashi right now. More later… maybe… maybe not!

[4:12pm] I’m friggin hungry!

[9:22am] No walk again today… getting lazy. I just didn’t feel like getting out of bed this morning and going outside. I really want the elliptical! I know, I know… it’s bad and I feel terrible about it. Excuses, excuses… right? Get off my ass already! Sheesh!

Look, trying to put me on a guilt trip won’t work so, piss off already!

I’m working and thinking about dinner. I know I have a turkey wrap in my lunch today, I made it with the suggestion and help from my lovely wife. She is so supportive. I love her… even though she is a serious pain in my ass most days. Just kidding honey, I love you!

Yesterday for dinner we had tacos! They were made from lean ground beef from Omaha Steaks, sliced cherry tomatoes, chopped romaine lettuce, diced green peppers, diced white onion, fat free cheddar cheese, Frank’s Red Hot hot sauce all on a microwave warmed high fiber wheat burrito shell/wrap. I really wasn’t looking forward to experimenting with tacos but, I must confess, they were delicious. I truly enjoyed them! I will most certainly have them again!

Ok, that’s all I have for right now, I may or may not update later.

Cheers!

[9:34am] No walk this morning. I woke at 5:40am and looked out the window and it looked wet, cold and uninviting. I crawled back into bed. Emerged around 6:50am or so, drank my black coffee and jumped in the shower. Enjoyed my morning routine with the wife and kids and headed off to work. I arrived at work around 8:25am.

Enjoyed my bowl of Kashi cereal and 1/2 of a banana that I split once again with my co-worker Ben. Such a busy week. I’ve damn near exhausted the energy I had reserved for the weekend and it’s only Thursday!  Monday I had Dr’s appt’s up the wazoo, Tuesday was pictures for the girls, yesterday (Wednesday) we had an open house as we are trying to sell, Today (Thursday) I have contractors coming to estimate a possible addition on the house if we do not sell and tomorrow… there’s something I’m sure of it!

When will it slow down a bit?

Anyway, cheers to all!

More later… maybe!

[2:20pm] Lunch was delish as usual. My loving wife made me a turkey sandwich with a little fat free mayo, romaine lettuce, tomato and a little bit of onion on the 12 grain bread. A bunch of green seedless grapes and a can of diet wild cherry Pepsi to finish. Good lunch!

[10:58am] Red raspberry yogurt… mmm tasty!  Scarfed down my Kashi cereal and 1/2 banana at my desk this morning. I bought the banana in the cafeteria and I was pleasantly surprised by the quality. I only had 1/2  and shared the other 1/2 with my co-worker Ben. He was more than happy to help me out. Thanks Ben!

[9:02am] I woke with the alarm at 5:40am and decided, after hitting the snooze button twice, that I would get out and walk. I stepped outside and a rain drop hit my face. I didn’t go back in the house. I went into the garage, grabbed a bottle of water and headed out for my 30 minutes. It felt great to walk again after a slight hiatus. I attempted a power walk for 15 minutes and was successful with energy to spare so, I pushed on.

With 3 minutes to go and energy to spare, I ramped up my gears and sped to my driveway. I arrived in 2 minutes so I had to walk in a circle in front my house for about 45 seconds. My legs were burning and I was happy about. “Feel the burn!” they always say. Who the hell “they” are remains a mystery to me and, “no pain, no gain” is another popular quote from them. Whatever!

So, I headed for the door, lo and behold it was locked. I accidentally locked myself out of the house and the rain was becoming steadily heavier. WTF! I went back out front and stood under the large maple tree in front of our house and sent a text message to my wife asking her to unlock the door. She finally came down stairs and was giggling at me standing in the rain as she unlocked the door. Lovely!

It was a good start to the day actually, I was able to get my walk in before the rains came pouring down. More later… maybe!

Cheers!

P.S. On a side note, today is my 4 month mark of being a non-smoker! Woo Hoo!

[11:15am] I haven’t updated in a while I know. Friday of last week was very busy for me. Let’s suffice it to say that I didn’t adhere to the diet as stringently as I would normally. I did enjoy some salty greasy foods over the weekend but, I did try my best to watch my portions (without much success).

Yesterday (Monday June 7, 2010), I did stick to the plan with the exception of the exercise. I had a couple of doctors appointments and a visit to the hospital (not critical) and some other stuff. I did stop and look at the elliptical again and almost bought one (in hindsight, I should have). I think it would be much easier to stick with the exercise routine if it were right in my bedroom. My partner in crime has a hard time parting with funds that exceed her expectations. It’ll happen eventually… I hope.

At any rate, mucho work to do and another doctor appointment today (second opinion is needed). Ingested my Kashi “Heart to Heart” cereal with skim milk. I’m about to eat my morning yogurt.

More later… maybe. Cheers!

[10:35am] No walk today. I set the alarm according to the forecast last I knew it to be… obviously, I could have walked this morning. I’m not happy about it. Oh well, such is life. I had my black coffee this morning but, no time for Kashi.

I had to run to the store for my little baby Alexi. Alexi woke with a temperature pushing 105, she was 102.5 under the arm and “they” say to add 2 degrees. I don’t know what “they” know but, all I knew was when I went in her room to say goodbye before I left for work (as I always do if she hasn’t gotten up yet) she didn’t bounce up like her normal self. I grabbed her and that’s when I knew it wasn’t good. She was very, very warm, almost too warm to touch. She’s better now (still pretty sick) and the fever (she calls it a feber) has come down with meds. We’ll be keeping an eye on her.

I had a breakfast burrito when I got to work (dietician said it was ok once in a while) which consisted of egg mixed with chopped green pepper and a slice of American cheese wrapped in a tortilla shell. Yummy. Oh, and another cup of black coffee.

BTW, I’m changing the Daily Weigh-In page to the Weekly Weigh-In. I can’t take the roller coaster ride so, once a week only. I think it will be Friday mornings so I can indulge a bit on the weekends (as I’m allowed) and work it off during the week. Today and tomorrow are the last consecutive days for weighing in. Cheers!

[4:27pm] Rain sucks when you have a Harley!

[1:37pm] I hate my new “lack of exciting culinary choices” life! A grill, a grill, my kingdom for a grill!

[11:14am] I enjoyed my yogurt… HAHAHAHAHAHA! Anyway, I think we may go look at treadmills soon. We had decided on an elliptical machine and we were about to go out and get it when it dawned on me where we were putting it. In the basement. No room anywhere else in the house so, it had to be the basement. I went down the stairs to check the layout and envision the elliptical in place. As I stood on the bottom step I realized it wouldn’t fit. The rise on the steps (on the elliptical) are higher then the bottom stair in the basement… standing on the bottom stair, my head almost touches the ceiling. No way the elliptical will work.

It’s a total bummer, I was really looking forward to conquering that machine. The treadmill should fit and it will have a definite positive impact. Much better than NOT walking because it’s raining. Cheers!

[10:37am] Yesterday’s total intake was: 1770 calories & 25.8 grams of dietary fiber.

[9:25am] I wonder what’s for dinner today? Is that pathetic or what? It’s only 9:25am and I’m already thinking about dinner. WTF!

[9:01am] Still a little depressed about the gain. I feel good about the walk this morning, it’s still my therapeutic 30 minutes. I also think the knew lifestyle is making me depressed. I feel like I lost another best friend. I lost one back in February (quit smoking) and now another.

I’m glad I’m doing this because my children, hopefully, will never know the difference. What I mean to say is, if we help them to develop good habits now, it will help them later in life. I guess this hard work is truly a gift to my girls. I know you’re supposed to make changes for yourself but, I think the motivation for my girls, far out-weighs my desire to change for me.

My mood seems a little less rude today. It’s early!

[6:36am] I gained .5 lbs., how friggin depressing and discouraging is that? I didn’t walk yesterday due to the rain and followed along with the plan. Seeing positive results helps the mental battle, seeing negative results can have a devastating reaction. I did my 30 minute walk and I’m eating my Kashi cereal as I type this. I’m not happy that’s for sure. I’m not giving up though. What a bite in the ass!

[4:30pm] Just a quick update with the dinner menu: 1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil, 2 cloves garlic, 1/2 tsp salt 1/4 cup apple cider vinegar, 2 cups of spinach, 3/4 cup halved cherry tomatoes and 6 ounces of Cajun seasoned, skinless, boneless chicken breast. YUM!

[2:08pm] I went and got some sugar free gum from the vending machine on the 2nd floor of the building I work in. It gives me some pleasure to chew gum, blow bubbles and snap it once in a while. I know it’s annoying to some people, that snapping sound, that fact makes it that much more attractive to me. I feel like such a child sometimes.

[12:45pm] I was just informed by my wife that my meaning in a recent post may have been misconstrued. I’m not unhappy with my job nor do I have a bad attitude towards it or any of my co-workers. It simply means that when I’m in a bad mood, no matter what origin, I have a hard time pretending otherwise. That’s all, no hidden meanings.

By the way, the sandwich was plain and the strawberries have seen their last day… they are starting to turn too mushy. Love trying to fucking lose weight. I’m not complaining, just venting. Cheers!

[11:49am] I’m thinking that a 15 minute power walk sometime this evening might make me feel better.

[11:44am] Where oh where is my chicken sandwich, why must you make me wait? Hungry!

[10:46am] What a coincidence that I open up the Buffalo News’ BuffaloJobFinder.com magazine (while looking for a section I publish online) and I see an article about attitude in the work place. I suck! I can’t pretend to be happy. I used to be able to pull it off but, I just don’t have the energy these days. Anyway, I’m enjoying some water and thinking about lunch. One chicken sandwich with lettuce and tomato rounded out with a cup of fresh strawberries and a can of diet wild cherry Pepsi.

[10:33am] Cottage cheese. Yum. Delightful.

[10:16am] It’s almost time for my morning snack. Can you feel the excitement? I’m just bubbling with it! If you can’t sense the sarcasm, then I suggest you get your fucking head out of your ass! Moron!

[10:03am] I was just thinking that my morning really started out badly. I woke to the alarm and was informed that it was raining and I’m not in the market for pneumonia so, no walk. Then my oldest daughter, who has basically started my morning since her arrival, with the exception of sleeping in once in a while (which today was one) was  a “no show” after my shower. She was still asleep when I left for work. Also, my youngest daughter is at the doctor’s office getting a check up and a new round of shots. This make her miserable, which in turn make her mother miserable, which in turn makes the rest of us miserable. I guess this might explain my mood today!

[9:54am] I’m not sure this update belongs here but, this is my fucking website and I’ll do what I want. This site may be the only fucking thing I have control over in the entire universe. Today, and this is not the first day I’ve felt like this, I wanted to smack the shit out of one of the overly friendly, chipper fucking sales guys in the men’s room this morning. I’m standing there holding my dick and he has has to say “Good morning” to me? I mean really, when I’m concentrating on pissing in the urinal and not on my clothes or God forbid, my fucking shoes. Maybe it’s just me. Loving my cup of black coffee!

[9:23am] Changing the FatCon2010.com format a little. Micro-bursts of fat will now reside on the homepage. Long-winded bullshit will go into a new section. Also researching new designs. Updates soon. Oh, about to go grab a nice black coffee from the cafeteria. Cheers!

[6:40am] I had my fun, I enjoyed the holiday foods, I enjoyed the holiday drinks and I’m paying the price. I gained 5 lbs. This was the result of over-eating and no exercise. I’m a bit disgusted but, not surprised. No walk today due to rain.